Was it a good thing that it was a Friday? I could not stand the thought of coming back to the office again tomorrow. It was bad enough that I was keeping all my irritation and anger towards my manager down, just to keep the peace, but to see her actively sabotage me was an all-new low.

I applied to go to a different department and get a promotion, and a nice salary bump in the process a few weeks ago when I realized it wasn’t working out for me here – in this department. But when I spotted two of the main HR people trailing behind my manager, I knew on instinct I was out of the running. I couldn’t even directly confront her cause I’d kept the fact I’d applied to get away from her a secret.

All that bullshit they had told me about how the company likes promoting people from within, how they encourage people to try different roles within the organisation – everything felt like a grand illusion. My one escape route had been cut off. I swear I could see my manager smirk as we gathered together for our mid-morning meeting.

I faked getting a headache just to escape from the presence of my lovely co-worker. I sat in the deserted cafeteria, waiting for my heartbeat to return to normal. Waiting for the panic attack to pass, so that I could put on my mask, and masquerade as a functioning human being.

Someone should write a memo on what not to do when you’re in the middle of a panic attack. Because my brilliant mind thought scrolling on social media would help. I think my brain’s logic was that since it numbed me at night, it should numb me right now too. Only, this time, I accidentally ended up making things worse for myself.

My failed situationship was engaged…to someone else. He was celebrating the event on his social. The saccharine sweet captions made me want to throw up.

Great. Even my recent past was moving on and I was finding it hard to keep my breakfast down.

I had just arrived at the office, but I couldn’t wait to go back home. Change into my comfiest clothes, pour myself a glass of wine, and just succumb to my darkness.

“There you are!”

My manager’s voice cut through my thoughts like a whiplash making me jump. Then she said, “Come back to the bay now. I think you’ve taken more than enough personal time today.”

Defeated, I followed her back to endure yet another mind-numbing day of work.

When I got back home, all I wanted to do was run a hot shower and maybe drown myself in it. I was just about to do that when I heard the familiar flump outside of my window. This time, without hesitation, I cracked it open, and the black cat sauntered in. With one leap the cat got up on my sofa and curled into a ball.

“I guess you’re mine now, huh?” I asked, amused by how quickly the cat started lording over the place. “You’ll need a name.”

Meow.

I swear I heard the meow in my head. I gently patted the cat’s head. I was convinced by its behaviour it was a female cat. She was a good mix of cute and aggressive.

“Shadow,” I said, finally. “Your name is Shadow. Now, enjoy your nap, while I go drown myself in the shower and then I’ll drown myself in wine.”

This time, the cat did not judge.

I made myself as cosy as possible, poured myself the wine, and settled down next to Shadow, who looked vaguely bothered by my presence.

“You know, Shadow, I know the divine exists,” I said, slowly, “And I know they can hear our prayers. Sometimes they talk to us as well. But we’re too ignorant to notice it.” I sighed, deeply, “Or at least that’s what Bhargavi had told me.”

Then tears started welling up in my eyes. “How could she just abandon me? I did not hear a peep from her for seven years. I understand the modern world had made her work twice as more challenging – but I thought we had a connection?”

Shadow slept on, oblivious to my obvious incoming spiral. When had it all gone so wrong? When did I get so comfortable living like this? Why was I dragging myself to a dead-end job? Why was I okay being a dead fish on almost every date I’d been on? I didn’t want to go with the flow. I wanted more. From life. From career. From love.

I had seen the evidence of the divine. I was convinced there were other gods out there too. But did these deities care about us, mere mortals? Of course, they didn’t. We were just their toys. They would pick us up and play with us whenever they fancied, and cast us aside once the fun was done.

“I do decree the deities are useless,” I said, raising my wine in mock celebration, “And it’s time for me to move on from Bhargavi. There is no point in believing her. What a waste of time it has all been.”

I was about to sip the wine, when Shadow got up, and lunged for the glass, knocking it straight out of my hands. It fell to the floor with a clatter. Thank God I decided to use my steel glass for this night. I couldn’t have faced the stress of cleaning up glass at the moment.

But I couldn’t help but wonder why Shadow had decidedly knocked my glass out of my hand, especially when I had been calling out the deities for their neglect. Shadow had just walked back to her spot and gone off to sweet slumber again. I could only stare at her for a second, before it dawned on me how much I was like this cat.

I wanted to knock things off too. As long as there would be no consequence for me. I chuckled and patted her head. Same, girl, same.

She lifted her head slightly and only buried her nose in her paws. Her green eyes kept watching me, as though anticipating something. It was like she knew even before I did what I would end up doing next. But instead of warning me not to indulge in my foolish fantasies, she looked almost eager to see what would happen next.